I used some of my unstructured time this month to read Sheryl Sandburg's pop-book,
Leaning In. It had some good thoughts in it that I hope I can use to better manage the balance of motherhood and trying to do/be something besides a mother in this life. But one of the best things that I took away from the book is the title itself. I am where I am, we are what we are, and if I want to make the most of it, I may as well just lean into it. I haven't arrived anywhere yet, but I am leaning into wherever I'm going.
As soon as the kids were safely settled in school, I launched into a unpacking frenzy. I've learned through long experience that there is nothing to be gained by putting it off, so I threw myself into the process with as much energy as I could muster. I assembled furniture, tried out different room arrangements, wore myself out unpacking boxes, then went to the stores in search of various accoutrements as a break. I hung pictures on walls (no matter how hard it is to put those holes in the walls, it must be done), figured out which wall-hangings and window dressings should go where, found homes for all the books, arranged and rearranged some of the more difficult rooms so that they exuded adequate feng shui, and ultimately, these many weeks later, am more or less satisfied with the results. Yes there are still a couple of rooms acting as storage facilities for the more difficult-to-decide-on items, but there are no rooms left without function, and we're to the point where I can reasonably demand that the kids keep their bedrooms clean.
On the subject of bedrooms, we've taken the unexpected step of letting Asher have a room of his own for the present. We're not sure if it will stick yet, but we decided that it was a solution that would give him some distance from Emerson, with whom he has been endlessly bickering and even bullying over the past few months. This has had positive and negative results. For one thing, a lot of the antagonism between the boys has gone down dramatically with a bit of space, and it's been interesting to see Asher actually seek Emerson out to spend time him with sometimes. On the other hand, being in a room on a separate floor from everyone else has opened the floodgates to the kitchen, and Asher has been sneaking entire boxes of cereal and crackers into his room, not to mention cans of mandarin oranges and pineapple and even cartons of ice cream! It's gotten pretty smelly. Additionally, trying to spend some time in the evenings reading to the kids has gotten more complicated when there are three rooms to visit rather than two. Aaron and I are thinking that perhaps after a few more weeks we'll see where things are and consider reuniting the boys and using the extra room as a play room. As much as we thought the kids might be ready to keep their playthings in their bedrooms, it seems to encourage just as much mess as it did when they were littler, and there is a definite advantage to having a place out of plain sight where works-in-progress can be left in-progress overnight. The new bunk bed I ordered for Emerson (who has been sleeping on a mattress on the floor since the movers left half the old bunk bed in Indiana) has a futon on the bottom that would make a nice full-size bed for Asher if he moves back up.
One of my favorite evenings of February came just before Valentine's Day, when the elementary school held a special Father-Daughter Dance. It unfortunately fell the same night that the Children's Choir (which Asher is now singing with) was scheduled to attend an opera preview performance at the San Diego Opera. Aaron didn't think he was going to be able to swing both, and the girls were pretty disappointed . . . until Aaron mentioned the problem to one of the women who oversees the organization, and she insisted that missing a Father-Daughter Dance was not actually an option. So on that night, Asher went to the opera with the choir, Addy and Sera accompanied their dad to the dance, and Emerson and I, left out as we were, took the opportunity to go see
The Lego Movie together--we even lucked out with a coupon for free popcorn. It just doesn't get better than that!
Valentine's Day, like everything else surrounding a big move, was lower-key this year, and I had zero complaints about that. There were pink pancakes for the kids and they each got a pack of socks as a valentine from me. I'm sure they were thrilled. With much persuasion I convinced Aaron to take me out the following night to Buca di Beppo, after which we stocked up on 50% off chocolate at the drugstore and called it good. Some years I'm all about going all out, but this year I was more than thrilled to keep it chill.
Another exciting event came when we scored tickets to see a live taping of American Idol last week. Since the tickets said that attendees had to be at least 14 years of age, we found some friends for our younger three to stay with and decided to let Asher try to act as old as he seems to think he is. After waiting in line for several hours, they let us in and even gave us fantastic front-row seats for a pre-recording of a performance by Philip Philips. We got to see Harry Connick Jr. and Jennifer Lopez and Keith Urban from only a few feet away, and even had a conversation with the pre-show host. Unfortunately (for us at least), a disabled guest showed up shortly afterward, and we were moved into a balcony for the live portion of the show to make room. It was a really enjoyable experience though, and Asher enjoyed being almost famous for a night. Afterward we visited The Grove nearby for dinner to avoid rush hour traffic out of LA, and had some Brazilian fare that included Aaron's favorite creme de maracuja. Watching the show once we got home, we found ourselves in the audience, though even on our humongous TV it was hard to make us out, so don't feel bad if you missed it.
Props to me for managing to pull off at least one of the two birthday parties hanging over my head since last month. One of the great things about living where we are (there are quite a few perks, to be honest) is that we have access to a community pool. Emerson wanted a Pirates of the Caribbean party this year, so it was really no sweat to round up some foam swords and a pinata and recreate the treasure chest birthday cake I made for Asher's birthday a few years ago. I kept the number of invitations low, maybe even lower than I should have, but Emerson had two friends meet him at the pool, and hey, more pinata candy for everyone, right? Everyone did have a lovely time, and Emerson thanked me profusely, despite the lack of fanciness. Sera is still waiting on her party, but hopefully it won't be long before we manage to put together a Fairy Tale Tea Party for her at a Victorian Tea Room. Sometimes birthday party planning is a pain, but I do love my kids so much, and I love having an opportunity to celebrate them each individually.
Now that we're finally feeling a little more settled, I'm trying to work myself into a schedule. I miss teaching classes, but there's not a whole lot I can do to start new ones in the middle of a school year, I don't think. I've dedicated a bit of time to writing, but I find that unstructured days can be a bit disorienting. I cling to whatever benchmarks I can in the week, from laundry day on Mondays and grocery shopping on Wednesdays to pizza nights on Fridays. I signed Emerson and Sera up for a little karate class after school on Wednesdays, mostly because it was inexpensive and offered at their actual school, so no driving. They've taken to it, and come home full of cool new moves to show off. I've been looking into a YMCA membership, but the building is a bit of a drive, and they don't have free childcare with membership
or other activities that the kids can participate in if I bring them. I miss the kids' gym and the game room and open gym and rock wall and open track at our old YMCA, and even though membership here is cheaper, I'm not sure if it will be worth it. They do have some early morning yoga classes though, so that may provide motivation enough--I desperately need to figure out how to fit fitness into my life as well. I've gone out running in our neighborhood a couple of times, and it is daunting! There are a lot of hills, and the shortest loop I can come up with is 3.5 miles long--there are a
lot of mornings when a 1-1.5 mile run would serve me just fine, and it's pretty hard to come up with enough energy to knock out 3.5 miles worth of hills very often. A couple of mornings I've driven down to the beach after dropping Asher off, and that's a lovely way to get the body moving. A quick run along the beach, coupled with some watching of surfers is downright refreshing for the soul. Hey--maybe a surfboard will ultimately be my best bet for fitness!
At this point, I mostly just feel scrambled. I'm starting to see glimmers of where things are going, of how our lives will look once we've fit all the pieces together and nailed things down, but it hasn't come together quite yet. Some days I'm just incredibly grateful to be able to open up facebook and feel like I have some connection to people somewhere in the world--it really is serving an important function as I try to navigate these new waters. There are so many good and beautiful and exciting things around me that I feel guilty for any negativity or sadness that creeps in. I'm not there yet, but I feel the time coming soon when I'll really be able to appreciate the wonderful place we live and the exciting experiences we're sure to have here. Until then, I'm just trying to lean into whatever comes.
