Grandma Ruthie

There was one other event that happened in October that doesn't really fit in with everything else.  On October 3, my dear grandmother, who has had such an important influence on my life, moved into the next life where she can finally be with the husband who left too soon, nearly 50 years ago. Amazingly, with Aaron's help and that of many friends and neighbors, I was able to leave the kids with friends and fly out to Utah for her funeral.

I hope that one day the legacy I leave the world will be as beautiful and lasting as that left by Ruth Swenson Eyre. She has touched the lives of thousands of children, not least her own grandchildren. She was there the day I was born, the day I was baptized, the day I was married, and countless days between. I'm glad to know that she has left the body that fettered her in recent years and moved into a welcoming spirit world where she can continue to love and serve others. Attending her funeral, being together with each and every one of the 23 grandchildren she grandmothered, was just beautiful. I've read and heard countless times of all the drama that can attend such big family events, but I couldn't be more grateful for a family that is imbued, saturated through with deep and abiding love. Even though years and distances have come between the cousins, being together was as natural as if we all lived on the same street. I feel so incredibly blessed to have such a strong, good, loving family, and I appreciated the wonderful opportunity to talk about life, death, moving, and everything in between with the good friends I have been blessed with from birth.

At the viewing, it was strange to see her lovely body there, beautiful, but empty, and to touch her hands, which even during her life were always very cool and soft. My cousin Saydi told me about the experience she and her sisters had dressing Grandma Ruthie the night before. It's strange how the spirit lingers there by the body for a time after the heart stops beating and the breathing ends. We also had the opportunity to meet Elder Quentin L. Cook, of the LDS quorum of 12 apostles. I was surprised to learn that he grew up in my grandparents' ward. His father didn't attend church when he was growing up, and he shared that it was actually my Grandpa Dean (who died when my father was still a child) who used to take him to church activities and make sure he was involved with the youth in the ward growing up--something which he said was critical to making the good decisions that he made in his life, leading him to where he is now. It was startling to realize that perhaps many of the contributions Elder Cook has made in his life, the countless lives he in turn has touched, were made possible in some small way by the kindness and goodness of my own grandparents.

After the viewing, we were able to rehearse musical numbers for the funeral the following day, and my heart just swelled up. Aaron wrote a beautiful arrangement this summer of Amazing Grace--it was the strangest thing, one morning he came in and told me that he'd been up half the night arranging it for no particular purpose, just because he felt inspired to do it. As soon as my sister asked if we knew of any appropriate arrangements for the funeral, I asked Aaron, and he thought of it immediately and wondered if he hadn't composed it for that exact purpose without knowing it. Three of my cousins were able to sing it with my sisters and brother accompanying on strings, and it was just beautiful to see them there together. We also rehearsed God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again, which was such a special song to be able to sing to our dear grandmother. I just loved the unity of us all being there together, loving each other. We're all grown up now, but it really wasn't long ago at all that we were a bunch of skinny kids crowded around a campfire or covered half in sand, half in water on a beach, and I could see so clearly the children we were in the adults we've become, and how Grandma Ruthie's love guided us to that place.

That evening as we gathered in her home, the home where we have all visited since we were too little to remember, where we all played with the same Lincoln Logs and the same games of Simon and Sorry for hours on end, where we all got in trouble countless times for spinning around on those darned comfy orange chairs, we shared our memories of Grandma Ruthie. It was such a special night, and we were shrouded in her spirit as we remembered her. I particularly remembered my ninth (or maybe it was my eleventh?) birthday, when she invited me to visit her. She took me to the mall and told me she was looking for something to get for a little girl about my age, and she wondered what kinds of things a girl like me would want. I helped her choose out a necklace (gold with little pearls) and a book--A Little Princess by Frances Hodgeson Burnett. After we had purchased the items and had them gift-wrapped, she gave them to me and told me that I was the little girl she'd been thinking of. That book ended up being one of my favorites as I was growing up--I think I reread it more times than any other single book I had. It was tattered and worn by the time I left for college, and it was one of the first books I bought for my girls--we read it together just last year.

The following morning, we attended the funeral. The music turned out beautifully. After Amazing Grace, my siblings along with two of my cousin Sam's children were able to play my sister Serenity's beautiful arrangement of Ashokan Farewell  and Nearer My God To Thee. My cousin Saren spoke for all of us in talking about what a wonderful grandmother she was, as well as reading from Grandpa Dean's journal about when they met and were courting. I think my favorite line she read was when, after much effort on his part to woo Ruthie, he was "whooping and hollering all day because Ruthie loves me!" What a special man he must be--I can't wait to meet him.  Then each of her children spoke a bit, reminding us all of how amazing it was that she was able to take up the double burden of parenthood after her husband Dean passed away, and how tenderly they held her in their regard as they made each of the difficult decisions of their lives. Richard, her oldest son, talked about the events of the evening before her passing, when all the brothers and sister gathered together in her home to spend time with her and give her a blessing of release from this life. He had taken her in his arms and danced with her (she and Dean were quite the dancers in their heyday), and he said that the first image that came to his mind after he heard of her passing was of she and Dean dancing together again at last. Her sister Beth, only a year younger than she, gave us a beautiful glimpse into their childhood, growing up just down the street, playing with their dolls together every day after school, starting a dance studio together, and how she (Beth) could never bring herself to envy Ruth for being "the pretty one" (in her mind), because Ruth was just too kind and fun to be with. Finally, Elder L. Tom Perry, who graduated from Logan High School with my grandmother spoke, mentioning how he had always admired Ruthie, but would never have dared ask her on a date, because you had to be "quite a fellow" to interest her--not to mention keep up with her on the dance floor. Finally, I played the piano while all the cousins sang God Be With You 'Til We Meet Again. It was so special to be together in that chapel! My grandmother attended church there almost her entire life. Her father helped design the building, and it's the place where she not only attended church as a child, but where she raised her own children and served in countless callings over the years. There was so much love there that I could hardly stand it. It was good I got to stay behind the piano, because I was too choked up to sing anyway--being there together, all of us from all around the country, just gave me the tiniest glimpse of how beautiful it will be to be reunited with all our loved ones in the next life.

We followed the service with a visit to the cemetery, where her spot beside Dean has been waiting for her all these years. The autumn leaves were just breathtaking. It seemed such a fitting day to let Grandma Ruthie go. The leaves were changing and falling, the end of a season of life, but underneath, the pulse of life carries on in them, as it does in our family and in the spirits of those who have gone before. I was so moved by watching my strong, tall (really tall) cousins carry the casket. Again I remembered the little runts they used to be--super annoying to a prim little girl like I was--and marveled at the men they've become. One thought that struck me strongly was that my grandmother, raising four sons and one daughter in a time when manliness was defined by sport and competition, chose to teach her sons to be different kinds of men. I remember her telling me once that all of her boys had baby dolls when they were growing up. When others were teaching boys one definition of manhood, she was teaching hers the definition of fatherhood. I know very few people even today who grew up with fathers as attentive and caring as mine, and I'm sure much of the credit for that goes to my grandmother. Her grandsons carry on that tradition.

Following far too many photographs in the cemetery, we returned to the church building for a wonderful meal that the ward had prepared for our family. It was the best afternoon I remember in a long time. The years and miles just fell away as we talked about things old and new, life experiences, and the journeys that we are on. As crazy as everything is in our family (the Mitchell family) right now, I suddenly felt like I had an army of cheerleaders and friends behind me, rooting for me. Equally wonderfully, I felt like a part of that army myself, cheering on my cousins in the challenges that they face; the Eyre Family is a force to be reckoned with. I was excited to get to talk to my cousin Noah, who just relocated to the San Diego area, and am thrilled that we will get to be neighbors! My cousin Jonah lives just across the pond in Maui, Hawaii, and there's a fair contingent of Eyres in northern California as well. The whole experience certainly reminded me of the blessings that can come from having family close, and I hope I can remember that as we make this transition.

Too soon, we all said goodbye, and my sister Serenity and her husband Scott drove Chelsi and I back to Salt Lake for our flights the next morning. Along the way, Scott came up with an ingenious solution to the conundrum I'd been facing about how to convince Aaron that renting out our Indiana house could be a realistic and not completely crazy option. He suggested that I secretly list the house on craigslist at a price that would make it worthwhile, not giving out the address or pictures, wait to see what kind of response I got, and then, if it was positive, tell Aaron about my little experiment. At current writing, Aaron has been apprised of this little scheme, as it turned out successfully! The other scheme concocted on this trip was the one Chelsi and I came up with for the Thanksgiving holiday--I'm going to take the kids out to visit her and her kids! Because I am a travel-hound first and foremost, I admit that an embarrassingly large piece of my resistance to a move comes from feeling like it would cut us off from travel in the east. Because I do this kind of thing, I had planned for next summer to be an American history summer, traveling out to Boston, New York, Philadelphia, and Washington D.C. Though that probably won't all happen over Thanksgiving, I fell pretty confident that we could at least knock out Philadelphia and Washington D.C., which might just be enough for me. Obviously I need to spend more time scheming with my sisters!

A fond farewell to one of the most influential women in my life ended with a last hurrah with all of my siblings and my mom at a cute little sandwich shop in downtown Salt Lake. We had a great time, and my mom treated me to a beautiful new sweater and scarf for my birthday that go just beautifully with my newly-red hair. Whoops, did I forget to mention that? Yes, like the star of some really bad soap opera, I dyed my hair an ungodly shade of red right before the funeral. I look sort of like the distant and somewhat tawdry cousin in all the photographs, but to be fair, I dyed it before I actually knew there was going to be a funeral, and it turned out a lot redder than expected.

Oh Grandma Ruthie, I will miss you! But the lessons you taught me will be with me forever.

All my crazy Eyre cousins!

Remembering Grandma Ruthie in her home

My good family

How did my little bro get so lucky???

Some of the best friends I've had all my life

A September (and October) to Remember

Well, our house is officially on the market, along with all the stress that entails. Within the first week of listing, there were 6 showings, which had to be juggled with a few additional touch-ups including painting and landscaping. Luckily, though, with the kids freshly in school and no piano classes started, I was able to get quite a bit done, including painting the kids' rooms, moving furniture around, re-tooling all the wall decorations to feature fewer family photos (my personal favorite mode of decoration), and boxing up anything that we don't absolutely need to have access to for the next couple of months. I won't deny that the simple act of packing things up made me mourn a bit. We've been so comfortable here, and have enjoyed so many happy times. The thought of moving on is still a big pill to swallow.

Once the house was safely on the market and getting positive feedback from the people who came to see it, I got things together for my KinderKeys classes. I let all my students know up-front that though I will be trying to make sure that classes continue as smoothly as possible after we leave, that this will be a different year for students. I also didn't do any additional publicity for this year's classes. Ultimately, I think I'm pretty happy with the results. Although there was an expected decline in enrollment, it's making life a bit easier. I was nearly able to make all the classes meet just one day/week, but some scheduling challenges landed me with two days of teaching, three classes one day, and two on the other. I was able to start the new homeschooling class that I've been itching to start for a while now, but all my other classes are made up of continuing students, which is a very comfortable way to teach. In the extra time, I'm working on putting together a set of curriculum materials that can be used by other teachers, and which I'd like to have available next year. I was also able to squeeze some good lunch dates--both with my kids, and with friends. I have been so fortunate to have good friends here in Fort Wayne. I love them as dearly as family, for the kindnesses they've shown me, for the wisdom they share so willingly, for the happy times and good laughs--they've taught me so much, and my whole family is stronger because of good friends. In addition to a couple of fun movie nights, watching Life of Pi and Pride and Prejudice, I've basically volunteered my house for all the book club meetings until we move, and I look forward to at least a few more wonderful evenings of chatter and fun with women who mean more to me than they will probably ever know.

Without Aaron around to distract me during the day (he provides excellent distraction, but it can be an impediment to getting things done), I have gotten quite a bit accomplished during the days. One of my favorites was finally spitting up the first draft of a book that has been on my mind since February--a third in the Spaghetti and the Meatballs series that I keep writing and not publishing. Along the way I corresponded some more with an agent who has shown interest in my work, but she ultimately ended up passing again, though she encouraged me to add more "character" to my characters and try again. I also started to put together an application to attend USC for graduate school next year. Though there are few things I've lacked here in Fort Wayne, a good option for a graduate degree in musicology is one of them. Since the most important and interesting part of getting a degree for me is having classes with really smart people and professors, I have been waiting for an opportunity to study somewhere that draws the best students and professors in the field. I think USC might finally be that place. I have enjoyed getting in the swing of academic writing again, though I'm not sure if I would be prepared to start a degree program next year or not--I guess I'll just have to see if I'm accepted.

As for family events, we began and ended the months with some memorable events, and sandwiched plenty of fun in between. Addy's birthday at the beginning of September occasioned a trip to Fazoli's for dinner and some love from her brothers and sister and dad (and me!). She was thrilled to get in early on the rainbow loom madness after Emerson and Sera pitched into buy her one, and she was also delighted with a long-awaited a sewing kit from Asher, a guitar from me, and the necklace Aaron sent her via post--she felt very loved! During the weeks that followed, the kids got to enjoy my yearly random shrieks about the beauty of the fall leaves quite regularly. I took the younger kids to the zoo one afternoon when the older kids were busy with friends, and we had a wonderful last visit. I got them each one of the overpriced stuffed animals that I've always secretly wanted for myself--Sera chose a kangaroo with a joey, and Emerson picked out a spider monkey. They enjoyed showing them around the zoo, and I took too many pictures, which I guess is my way of saying goodbye to an era. We enjoyed attending Asher's first band and orchestra concerts, both of which were wonderful to watch. Addy's birthday party--a much-anticipated sleepover didn't wind up happening until October, but she insisted that was exactly how she wanted it. She had an American Girl party, so all her friends brought dolls and they did activities to go with several of the American Girl books, from "sewing" (ha! tying together fleece, more like) blankets to making dough for pizzas to going on a hobo treasure hunt. After they had worn themselves out, they curled up in front of the TV in their sleeping bags and watched American Girls movies. I sure love Addy's friends--they are all just delightful to spend time with. Then came my birthday--I'm not so much the martyr type, so I made the kids go to Walgreens and choose presents for me, then took them to O'Charley's for my birthday dinner. They did a great job of making me feel special and loved, even if I sort of made them do it. They treated me to chocolate and Halloween decorations, and even a book I had been itching for (Life of Pi, which I'm dying to read after seeing the movie). We polished October off with Halloween. Asher was a tough sell--he insisted that he couldn't dress up for Halloween anymore, but I made him don the wolf-mask I'd gotten for him so that he would fit with the theme this year--Narnia! We had Queen Susan, High King Peter, and Queen Lucy, with Asher rounding us out as Fenris Ulf, the White Witch's deputy wolf. He ended up sucking it up and accompanying the other kids, along with our friends the Sprinkles. He has been babysitting the Sprinkles' little boy, Jake, on alternating Wednesday afternoons, and I have just loved seeing what a kind, thoughtful, caring kid he becomes when he has someone to take care of--it's enough to make me itch for a baby. Luckily it started to rain not too long into the night, bringing everyone home before they had entirely too much candy. After they paid their traditional taxes in chocolate (to me), they crawled into bed with costumes strewn across the floor. It's really the only way to end Halloween.

Shades of October

Addy's American Girl birthday party--making blankets for their dolls

Love these sweet girls!

Making "pioneer pizzas"

How much cooler could it get?

Christmas card outtakes

These kids do clean up nice

Love to see these two growing up together

Hoping these two never follow suit

This is what they wanted to do the whole time!

Jack-o-lanterns!

Fenris Ulf (that's as Narnia as I could talk Asher into)

Queen Susan

High King Peter

Queen Lucy

Love these two buddies!

Halloween 2013

On Sabbatical

I have to admit that by the time Aaron packed his bags and headed out to San Diego mid-month, we were both pretty ready. There's no doubt that this summer has been a heavy one for both of us, and I think we were each in need of a little space--what I've started calling our "marriage sabbatical."

After attending to some household projects at home, we agreed to meet with a realtor--though I won't deny dragging my feet rather a lot. The plan is to list the house at a price that we feel would make selling now worth it, but if things don't work out that way, to consider renting it out for a while instead. Though I'm not at all enthusiastic about selling this house--which we're reasonably close to paying off, and which I feel like could be a worthwhile long-term investment if we decided to become more mobile as a family in the future--if that's the way the cards fall, I've made my peace with trying to work out a different situation.

While he looks for a place for us to live out in California (he is currently starting his jobs out there and renting a one-bedroom apartment from a family in Rancho Bernardo), I will work on tying up loose ends here and trying to make this move as smooth as possible for the kids.  I've also decided to continue teaching KinderKeys classes for 10 weeks, and will be looking for a way for them to continue after I've left with another teacher if possible. Aaron thinks my concern about KinderKeys may be misplaced, but after building this from the ground up, I feel committed to seeing my work carry on if I can.

After he left, I spent the first weeks enjoying the satisfaction of being entirely in charge, as well as having a neatly made bed every single time I go into my bedroom (Aaron has always had a penchant for midday snoozes, and he's never been particularly adept at remaking the bed afterward). He's had the harder end of the deal, having to set up house in a new place concurrently with acclimating to four new jobs, replete with new responsibilities and coworkers. But despite the perks of living apart, I think we're both also starting to feel a bit of the sadness that creeps in with distance. We spent our fifteenth anniversary apart, and while pinging youtube videos to each other was fun, it really just isn't the same as celebrating a beautiful marriage with the one you love. At the end of the day, there's nothing better than spending time together, and I think we will appreciate it anew when that time comes again.

The kids started school shortly after Aaron left, and so far, so good. Asher is enjoying Jazz Band this year, though he's still bristling a bit about being in orchestra as well--an agreement he made with Aaron last year. He seems to like his classes, although he says they're hard.  Addy finally made it into a class with many of her best friends, and is loving it so far. Emerson is happy to be at Whispering Meadows again, and even though Sera didn't manage to score more than two of her kindergarten classmates in her class, she loves her classroom's "camping" theme.

So much in our future is up in the air, and as much as that worries me, it also makes me excited. If life didn't have adventures, it would be entirely too boring. Hopefully between now and when we get everything hammered out, we'll be able to come up with solutions that make us all happy--or at least that we can all live with. Even though I drag my feet and complain my fair share, I am thankful for the strength and growth that only occur when we do hard things.