Friday, February 28, 2014

Fitting It All Together

My date with this Cutie to the Lego Movie: Everything is Awesome!

Meanwhile Aaron had these beauties on his arms for the Daddy-Daughter Dance--lucky man!

Not sure what I'd do without this lovely to help out around here

She made these fantastic cookies for us for Valentine's Day

Can't ask for a better way to get to school in February--meanwhile their friends in Indiana have snow days coming out their ears!

Sera's school outfits are my fave. She also loves wearing her hair in pig-tails these days.

 We snagged some tickets to American Idol--I finally got to see Harry Connick Jr. (though he ended up playing on the show the next week)



Ha! Never thought I'd have my kids in karate--but they love it!

Emerson's one-month-late birthday party

Pirates of the Caribbean!

On their pirate ship

Searching for treasure

Treasure found!


Aaaand more beach

Beaches are the best

Love the sound of the waves

The only three who will pose for pictures for me these days

Sea foam between my toes--best feeling in the world!

Leaning In

I used some of my unstructured time this month to read Sheryl Sandburg's pop-book, Leaning In. It had some good thoughts in it that I hope I can use to better manage the balance of motherhood and trying to do/be something besides a mother in this life. But one of the best things that I took away from the book is the title itself. I am where I am, we are what we are, and if I want to make the most of it, I may as well just lean into it. I haven't arrived anywhere yet, but I am leaning into wherever I'm going.

As soon as the kids were safely settled in school, I launched into a unpacking frenzy. I've learned through long experience that there is nothing to be gained by putting it off, so I threw myself into the process with as much energy as I could muster. I assembled furniture, tried out different room arrangements, wore myself out unpacking boxes, then went to the stores in search of various accoutrements as a break. I hung pictures on walls (no matter how hard it is to put those holes in the walls, it must be done), figured out which wall-hangings and window dressings should go where, found homes for all the books, arranged and rearranged some of the more difficult rooms so that they exuded adequate feng shui, and ultimately, these many weeks later, am more or less satisfied with the results. Yes there are still a couple of rooms acting as storage facilities for the more difficult-to-decide-on items, but there are no rooms left without function, and we're to the point where I can reasonably demand that the kids keep their bedrooms clean.

On the subject of bedrooms, we've taken the unexpected step of letting Asher have a room of his own for the present. We're not sure if it will stick yet, but we decided that it was a solution that would give him some distance from Emerson, with whom he has been endlessly bickering and even bullying over the past few months. This has had positive and negative results. For one thing, a lot of the antagonism between the boys has gone down dramatically with a bit of space, and it's been interesting to see Asher actually seek Emerson out to spend time him with sometimes. On the other hand, being in a room on a separate floor from everyone else has opened the floodgates to the kitchen, and Asher has been sneaking entire boxes of cereal and crackers into his room, not to mention cans of mandarin oranges and pineapple and even cartons of ice cream! It's gotten pretty smelly. Additionally, trying to spend some time in the evenings reading to the kids has gotten more complicated when there are three rooms to visit rather than two. Aaron and I are thinking that perhaps after a few more weeks we'll see where things are and consider reuniting the boys and using the extra room as a play room. As much as we thought the kids might be ready to keep their playthings in their bedrooms, it seems to encourage just as much mess as it did when they were littler, and there is a definite advantage to having a place out of plain sight where works-in-progress can be left in-progress overnight. The new bunk bed I ordered for Emerson (who has been sleeping on a mattress on the floor since the movers left half the old bunk bed in Indiana) has a futon on the bottom that would make a nice full-size bed for Asher if he moves back up.

One of my favorite evenings of February came just before Valentine's Day, when the elementary school held a special Father-Daughter Dance. It unfortunately fell the same night that the Children's Choir (which Asher is now singing with) was scheduled to attend an opera preview performance at the San Diego Opera. Aaron didn't think he was going to be able to swing both, and the girls were pretty disappointed . . . until Aaron mentioned the problem to one of the women who oversees the organization, and she insisted that missing a Father-Daughter Dance was not actually an option. So on that night, Asher went to the opera with the choir, Addy and Sera accompanied their dad to the dance, and Emerson and I, left out as we were, took the opportunity to go see The Lego Movie together--we even lucked out with a coupon for free popcorn. It just doesn't get better than that!

Valentine's Day, like everything else surrounding a big move, was lower-key this year, and I had zero complaints about that. There were pink pancakes for the kids and they each got a pack of socks as a valentine from me. I'm sure they were thrilled. With much persuasion I convinced Aaron to take me out the following night to Buca di Beppo, after which we stocked up on 50% off chocolate at the drugstore and called it good. Some years I'm all about going all out, but this year I was more than thrilled to keep it chill.

Another exciting event came when we scored tickets to see a live taping of American Idol last week. Since the tickets said that attendees had to be at least 14 years of age, we found some friends for our younger three to stay with and decided to let Asher try to act as old as he seems to think he is. After waiting in line for several hours, they let us in and even gave us fantastic front-row seats for a pre-recording of a performance by Philip Philips. We got to see Harry Connick Jr. and Jennifer Lopez and Keith Urban from only a few feet away, and even had a conversation with the pre-show host. Unfortunately (for us at least), a disabled guest showed up shortly afterward, and we were moved into a balcony for the live portion of the show to make room. It was a really enjoyable experience though, and Asher enjoyed being almost famous for a night. Afterward we visited The Grove nearby for dinner to avoid rush hour traffic out of LA, and had some Brazilian fare that included Aaron's favorite creme de maracuja. Watching the show once we got home, we found ourselves in the audience, though even on our humongous TV it was hard to make us out, so don't feel bad if you missed it.

Props to me for managing to pull off at least one of the two birthday parties hanging over my head since last month. One of the great things about living where we are (there are quite a few perks, to be honest) is that we have access to a community pool. Emerson wanted a Pirates of the Caribbean party this year, so it was really no sweat to round up some foam swords and a pinata and recreate the treasure chest birthday cake I made for Asher's birthday a few years ago. I kept the number of invitations low, maybe even lower than I should have, but Emerson had two friends meet him at the pool, and hey, more pinata candy for everyone, right? Everyone did have a lovely time, and Emerson thanked me profusely, despite the lack of fanciness. Sera is still waiting on her party, but hopefully it won't be long before we manage to put together a Fairy Tale Tea Party for her at a Victorian Tea Room. Sometimes birthday party planning is a pain, but I do love my kids so much, and I love having an opportunity to celebrate them each individually.

Now that we're finally feeling a little more settled, I'm trying to work myself into a schedule. I miss teaching classes, but there's not a whole lot I can do to start new ones in the middle of a school year, I don't think. I've dedicated a bit of time to writing, but I find that unstructured days can be a bit disorienting. I cling to whatever benchmarks I can in the week, from laundry day on Mondays and grocery shopping on Wednesdays to pizza nights on Fridays. I signed Emerson and Sera up for a little karate class after school on Wednesdays, mostly because it was inexpensive and offered at their actual school, so no driving. They've taken to it, and come home full of cool new moves to show off. I've been looking into a YMCA membership, but the building is a bit of a drive, and they don't have free childcare with membership or other activities that the kids can participate in if I bring them. I miss the kids' gym and the game room and open gym and rock wall and open track at our old YMCA, and even though membership here is cheaper, I'm not sure if it will be worth it. They do have some early morning yoga classes though, so that may provide motivation enough--I desperately need to figure out how to fit fitness into my life as well. I've gone out running in our neighborhood a couple of times, and it is daunting! There are a lot of hills, and the shortest loop I can come up with is 3.5 miles long--there are a lot of mornings when a 1-1.5 mile run would serve me just fine, and it's pretty hard to come up with enough energy to knock out 3.5 miles worth of hills very often. A couple of mornings I've driven down to the beach after dropping Asher off, and that's a lovely way to get the body moving. A quick run along the beach, coupled with some watching of surfers is downright refreshing for the soul. Hey--maybe a surfboard will ultimately be my best bet for fitness!

At this point, I mostly just feel scrambled. I'm starting to see glimmers of where things are going, of how our lives will look once we've fit all the pieces together and nailed things down, but it hasn't come together quite yet. Some days I'm just incredibly grateful to be able to open up facebook and feel like I have some connection to people somewhere in the world--it really is serving an important function as I try to navigate these new waters. There are so many good and beautiful and exciting things around me that I feel guilty for any negativity or sadness that creeps in. I'm not there yet, but I feel the time coming soon when I'll really be able to appreciate the wonderful place we live and the exciting experiences we're sure to have here. Until then, I'm just trying to lean into whatever comes.

Friday, January 31, 2014

A Life Up-ended

On the road--hotel pools are a nice break from driving

The only stop I managed to talk Aaron into: the Gateway Arch

We did have fun!


We even celebrated New Year's Eve in Oklahoma City

Sera's and Emerson's birthday celebration at Medieval Times


What's not to love about eating with your fingers and watching some jousting?

Sera's birthday crackers in an empty house

But hey, beach!

Better sanded in than snowed in in Indiana, right? (our city was hit with terrible weather right after we left and it hasn't let up yet)

Finally got these kids started at school--outside hallways in January!

Emerson stayed loyal to Indiana, though

This girl is nearly to the end of her elementary school career


And I would have gotten a better picture of this one if he had tried even a little. He was so annoyed that I was taking a picture at all.


Visit to Old Town in San Diego

The old Wells Fargo stagecoach--Aaron even sang us a song about it


The (Long and Winding) Road to Paradise

We finally broke out of Indiana on December 29, with our kids packed between the odds and ends that had to accompany us in the van. The whole first day of driving was a rather sad one--saying goodbye to the cornfields, remembering places we'd visited, and an undercurrent of disagreement between Aaron and I over which route we should take to get to California. I had hoped to sweeten what looked to be a long and arduous journey with day long stops in Nashville and New Orleans, which, aside from being music centers for a music family, were also far enough south that they would likely save us from any potentially hazardous weather further north. By my calculations, those stops would have added about 7 hours to our 30-something hour journey. Aaron, though he agreed that dropping south in December was a better bet than trying to stay north on I-80 would probably be a good idea, hated the idea of adding any hours or days to our trip. By his calculations, going through Oklahoma City would best achieve that goal. We argued on and off all day, but when we finally came to the critical intersection, despite my pleading (and yes, we did both manage to recruit various children to our causes), he won out. Alas. I still think that Nashville/New Orleans would have been a great addition to our trip, especially given that we waited an additional 2 weeks for our moving truck to arrive once we got to California. On the other hand, we feel very blessed that we stayed to the south, at least, because everywhere north of us got dumped with snow and ice immediately after we left. We were also grateful that the moving truck had forced us out a few days earlier than we had intended, saving us from icy roads on the way down.

Our trip was otherwise fairly uneventful--the kids were grateful to be able to watch DVDs in the car, though we mixed it up with some games and plenty of talking about the future. On New Year's Eve, we enjoyed a fancy hotel suite in Oklahoma City and lived it up in the pool, finishing the night by watching the ball drop. A few more days of driving later, we landed in front of a lovely hacienda in the heart of Carlsbad California--it is a beautiful house! However, as mentioned before, we had many days of sleeping on air mattresses ahead of us. Fortunately the previous occupants had left behind three bar stools, so we had somewhere to eat (as long as we did so in shifts). I quickly found a couple of saucer chairs and an additional matching stool to carry us over, and we spent the next little while dividing our time between the beach, the community pool, and the awesome trampoline that Aaron surprised the kids with. Asher set the trampoline up almost entirely on his own, so anxious was he to succumb to the bliss of bounciness. In keeping with his personality, however, he failed to read most of the instructions before attempting several steps, and had to go back and fix several components before he finished a couple of days after he had started. Still, eventually he succeeded, and the kids were able to burn off all the excess energy of days cooped up in a car.

Sera's birthday crept up on us only a day after we arrived, and we did our best to celebrate with a simple store-bought cake and some singing, as well as the very important New Year's crackers I had saved up.  A few days later, we made it up with a visit to Medieval Times in Buena Park, in celebration of both Sera's and Emerson's birthdays. What a fun place! Guests were seated at long tables around an arena where we got to watch a full-on medieval style tournament, complete with horses, jousting, sword-fights, kings, and damsels. While we watched, we were treated to enormous chicken legs (probably entire chicken halves, actually), biscuits, salads, and fruit cobbler. Everything was served on tin dishes in courses, and it was all very loud and exciting and jolly.

Annoyingly (since we were living in a house void of very many things to do), school didn't start for the kids until a full 2 weeks after New Year's. Though I can see this being a great advantage in future years, this year it meant almost full-time engagement in trying to keep kids from flipping over bannisters and dangling from chandeliers (haven't our kids outgrown that behavior? Alas, the oldest is the worst perpetrator). We had a few things to keep us out of trouble, though. Amazingly, a friend from BYU days, invited us over for dinner the first Sunday we were in town. It was so good seeing a familiar face when I felt so overwhelmed at the newness of our surroundings. Another friend, also from BYU, invited us to spend an afternoon at the park, and through her I figured out how to start investigating charter schools for Asher, who I was deeply worried about starting in the huge and somewhat overwhelming middle school here, not only in the middle of the school year, but also when he's in the midst of working through all the issues of moving and tweenager angst.

Best of all, though, my mom came out for a visit right off the bat! She and her husband had planned a trip to celebrate her birthday before knowing whether or not we would be there, but went out of their way to make it a special visit for the kids and for us. They invited us out to the pool at their hotel a couple of times, and even kept the kids overnight one night! Since my mom's birthday coincides with Emerson's (twins!), she provided a fancy cake and a party--more swimming! It was a great relief to have someone to talk to about all my own moving anxiety as well--sometimes just talking to me is the most valuable gift someone can give me, and that's especially true when I'm in a new place, surrounded by strangers.

At last, the day after Emerson's birthday and the day that our moving truck finally arrived, school started! I took the three younger kids down to school (which is luckily within walking distance of our house--an especial benefit since none of the schools around here seem to have buses). They were all eagerly embraced by their classes, who were all excited to get new students. Addy scored a class with two of the girls she had already met in her church class, Emerson has part-time surfer who plays guitar all the time in class for his teacher, and Sera made five new friends and fell in love with her teacher the first day. I had already taken Asher to visit the Montessori charter school where the friend I mentioned before sends her kids, but it was a bit of a drive, and though I'd really enjoyed the teachers there, I wasn't sure if it would be a match. After the other three kids made it to school the first day, and while Aaron was waiting around for the movers, I took Asher to visit another Montessori charter school that was a bit closer (and a better drive for us). I fell in love immediately. I checked out two different classrooms, and one of them was the best classroom I've ever been in. I loved the respect the students showed for one another, the differentiated learning styles that were accepted and encouraged, and the fluidity of the school time. Though Asher was a little resistant to the idea of being in a multi-age class (it's grades 6-8), and of being in the same classroom all day, I think it will be a great place for him to have some time to adjust to living in his changing body, get in touch with his own strengths and interests, and really just be able to decide for himself who he is and who he wants to become. I'm sad that they don't have a music program, as he did so well with trumpet in jazz band, but I'm mostly relieved to have him in an environment that will do more to relieve the stress that he carries around in his personality, rather than increase it.

The kids reactions to their new schools have been so fun! The elementary school where the three younger kids go is such a change from where they've been. On the down-side, classes are quite large (all 30+ students), but they were all thrilled to experience hallways that are outside, longer and more frequent recesses, and my personal favorite, peacocks that wander onto the playground now and again from the neighboring Leo Carillo Nature Park. My favorite comment from Sera after going to her new school for a few days was: "it seems like they don't really have that many rules here." Having checked in with all their teachers, they seem to be settling in well, making friends and having a nice time. On their second Friday after starting school, Sera made a splash by cruising through not only the first grade words list, but also the second and third grade lists. On the morning that I attended the flag ceremony where they honored her, there was an additional special event--a student's parent flew a helicopter in and landed it on school grounds for the kids to visit and check out--how cool is that? Asher, meanwhile, has come to really like and appreciate his school as well. He has spent several days working outdoors in the garden his class not only planted, but also built some of the beds for. He loves having recess and gym on a daily basis, and while he's struggling a bit to figure out how to be a self-directed learner, I think it has been a really good experience for him to not have to be directed and nagged all the time.

Meanwhile, the process of unloading and unpacking has been unspectacular. A few of our things were damaged and lost on the move, including, though we can't quite figure out how, Asher's trumpet. I guess it's a good thing these movers were cheap, because we have a few things to replace now. Still, I've been working my tail off trying to get everything unloaded and set up. I figure it doesn't get any easier just by waiting around, so I've really been throwing my back into it--getting things up on the walls, bookshelves put together, etc. For now we've put the boys into two separate rooms, which will hopefully help ease the transition, however, several pieces of the boys' bunk bed were left behind, meaning that only Asher has a complete bed. Emerson hasn't complained too much about continuing to sleep on an air mattress, but I think I finally convinced Aaron to buy a new bunk bed that we can put in his room, potentially putting the boys back together in the same room in the future--for one thing there would be less opportunity for Asher to keep sneaking food into his room then leaving it there to rot (ew! his whole room smells pretty awful, to be honest). The girls' room is mostly set up, and ours is on its way, though I haven't been able to find our bedskirt anywhere, and I can't figure out why whoever built this house didn't put a door between the master bedroom and bathroom.

All in all, we're settling. I really, really, really miss our friends in Indiana, and I don't know how long it will take to make new ones here--there's a whole different social system here, and I'm afraid it may take me some time to learn to navigate it properly. For now, I'm wearing Aaron out with my clinginess and neediness, but until I can make some friends to absorb a little more of me, that's just the way it's going to have to be. And when it all just gets to be too much . . . there's always the beach!