I have to admit that by the time Aaron packed his bags and headed out to San Diego mid-month, we were both pretty ready. There's no doubt that this summer has been a heavy one for both of us, and I think we were each in need of a little space--what I've started calling our "marriage sabbatical."
After attending to some household projects at home, we agreed to meet with a realtor--though I won't deny dragging my feet rather a lot. The plan is to list the house at a price that we feel would make selling now worth it, but if things don't work out that way, to consider renting it out for a while instead. Though I'm not at all enthusiastic about selling this house--which we're reasonably close to paying off, and which I feel like could be a worthwhile long-term investment if we decided to become more mobile as a family in the future--if that's the way the cards fall, I've made my peace with trying to work out a different situation.
While he looks for a place for us to live out in California (he is currently starting his jobs out there and renting a one-bedroom apartment from a family in Rancho Bernardo), I will work on tying up loose ends here and trying to make this move as smooth as possible for the kids. I've also decided to continue teaching KinderKeys classes for 10 weeks, and will be looking for a way for them to continue after I've left with another teacher if possible. Aaron thinks my concern about KinderKeys may be misplaced, but after building this from the ground up, I feel committed to seeing my work carry on if I can.
After he left, I spent the first weeks enjoying the satisfaction of being entirely in charge, as well as having a neatly made bed every single time I go into my bedroom (Aaron has always had a penchant for midday snoozes, and he's never been particularly adept at remaking the bed afterward). He's had the harder end of the deal, having to set up house in a new place concurrently with acclimating to four new jobs, replete with new responsibilities and coworkers. But despite the perks of living apart, I think we're both also starting to feel a bit of the sadness that creeps in with distance. We spent our fifteenth anniversary apart, and while pinging youtube videos to each other was fun, it really just isn't the same as celebrating a beautiful marriage with the one you love. At the end of the day, there's nothing better than spending time together, and I think we will appreciate it anew when that time comes again.
The kids started school shortly after Aaron left, and so far, so good. Asher is enjoying Jazz Band this year, though he's still bristling a bit about being in orchestra as well--an agreement he made with Aaron last year. He seems to like his classes, although he says they're hard. Addy finally made it into a class with many of her best friends, and is loving it so far. Emerson is happy to be at Whispering Meadows again, and even though Sera didn't manage to score more than two of her kindergarten classmates in her class, she loves her classroom's "camping" theme.
So much in our future is up in the air, and as much as that worries me, it also makes me excited. If life didn't have adventures, it would be entirely too boring. Hopefully between now and when we get everything hammered out, we'll be able to come up with solutions that make us all happy--or at least that we can all live with. Even though I drag my feet and complain my fair share, I am thankful for the strength and growth that only occur when we do hard things.
Saturday, August 31, 2013
Back to School 2013
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| Addy starts fifth grade! |
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| Emerson starts third grade! |
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| Sera starts first grade! |
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| Love my elementary school bunch! |
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| No Asher because he starts school an hour and a half (!) earlier than the others and bristled at the very thought of me taking a picture. Silly boy. |
Wednesday, July 31, 2013
July (the good bits)
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| Chillin' with my sibs in Park City before Rennie's wedding |
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| Wedding Day! |
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| My guys |
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| We used our Science Central membership to visit the Thanksgiving Point Natural History Museum between the wedding and the reception |
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| These two were a great help with setting and clearing dishes at the reception |
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| Family of the Bride |
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| We love this sister of ours! |
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| Kids with their extended cousins--things got a little wild! |
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| Guess the apples don't fall far from the trees . . . |
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| On our way up to Bear Lake afterward we were able to stop and visit with our dear friends the Swensons who moved to Evanston, WY from Fort Wayne last year. |
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| It was as though we never left. |
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| Beach play |
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| Scott took some time out from his honeymoon to help build sand castles. |
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| Cousin time! |
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| Wakeboarding |
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| Boating |
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| The tube was awesome! |
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| Family photos |
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| Toasting marshmallows |
Apparently I'm not Elasti-Girl After All
The first part of July was pretty awful, but the second part sort of made up for it.
Aaron and I started the month pretty much in all-out battle mode. I didn't want to move to California. He did. We wrote lists, we talked through pros and cons, we discussed, we prayed, we argued, we yelled and slammed doors. The thing about talking through things is that sometimes even after everything is talked out you still don't agree. And when the things being talked about are really important things, it's just not easy for one person or the other to say "oh fine, have it your way" (which is a perfectly acceptable resolution for many a quandary). In between all the fighting (and just to prove to Aaron that I was really trying to consider all the possibilities), we worked on getting our house prepared to put on the market to sell, which was by far the hardest thing for me. From the beginning I said that I would be willing to consider the move as long as we didn't shut down all our options here in Indiana. None of the four jobs Aaron is considering has much job security, and how long does anyone want to work four different jobs anyway? My solution was that we should rent out our house here and rent a house there while we try to figure out our long-term plans. His was to cut all ties with Indiana and move immediately. Finding middle ground was slow going.
Eventually we agreed that if we got the house mostly ready to list, we could still go on an abbreviated version of the awesome family vacation I had been planning for months. But even progress toward that goal moved at a snail's pace. He had 101 projects he wanted completed; I didn't really want to do any of them--we couldn't agree on so much as what kind of plants to put in the back yard. Ultimately we ended up dragging things out too long to be able to incorporate much of what I had originally planned trip-wise, and anyway, he felt like maybe the trip should be off the table altogether so that we could instead just get busy moving. Did I mention that it was a tough month?
At last we found enough consensus to pack up the van and head west for a short visit to Utah for my sister's wedding, a trip out to San Diego sans kids (thanks to my dad's last-minute offer to give us some one-on-one time to buckle down and make a decision), and a few days to spend with my mom at Bear Lake. We tried to fight slightly less on the trip than we had in the preceding weeks, having agreed to try to feel things out together with location and extended family considerations in mind.
The trip itself turned out to be a lot of fun! I tried not to dwell on the fact that the camping in national parks while learning to play guitar together wasn't happening and live in the moments we had as fully as possible. Serenity's wedding was just lovely, preceded by a bridal shower that brought together dear friends I haven't seen in years and a wonderful wedding dinner where Aaron and I had the chance to spend time in the company of more of my extended family than we've had the chance to see in years. It was great to meet Scott's family, but it was greatest to get to be with cousins who remain some of my dearest friends despite too many years that have come between us. Attending the wedding in the Salt Lake Temple, where Aaron and I were married 15 years ago was definitely a good reminder of where we started and how far we have come in what seems like the blink of an eye. While I can't say that things never got shaky in the tempests of the summer, I am glad that we've managed to stay afloat through the storms. Investing in a great marriage and family has been one of the most rewarding undertakings of both of our lives, and it's good to know that even great big disagreements can't knock us off course completely
.Heading down to San Diego without kids to worry about ended up being a good thing for Aaron and I. I can't deny that it's a beautiful city, and having a chance to wander around in Old Town and La Jolla just as we did the summer before we got married brought back some really wonderful memories. We had a chance to stay with and visit with Aaron's grandparents, who recently moved back to the San Diego area and are one big reason why this move is so appealing to Aaron. They've become a bit less mobile and a bit more appreciative of having family nearby who can be called on in times of need. Aaron would also really like to give our kids a chance to get to know them a little better while they're still around. We drove around neighborhoods so that Aaron could remind me with greater accuracy exactly how lovely it is to drive down palm-tree lined boulevards and breathe sea air, and we found a few that would be really appealing to live in, although the sticker shock for either renting or buying is still pretty overwhelming. We were able to spend an afternoon in the San Diego temple, and while that gave Aaron far more feelings of resolution than it gave me, I think we reached the point where we agreed to give the move a try, though not nearly as quickly or cleanly as Aaron would prefer. We bookended the trip on both ends with stops in Las Vegas, and I can't deny that family visits seem much less overwhelming when we're only 10 hours and a stop in a cheap hotel with a great buffet away.
Back in Utah, we enjoyed a luxurious few days at my mom's cabin on Bear Lake, boating, water-skiing, tubing, playing volleyball, toasting marshmallows--all the good stuff. It was good to get a little extra time with some of my siblings there, as well as spending some time together with just my siblings and I (before the wedding) up in Park City, where we spent the night in a fancy-schmancy ski lodge, swam, ate pizza, and talked the night away. I loved having the chance to snuggle up my new nephew, James, and we had a great time doing lunch with my sister Tenille and her little family as well. If we manage to pull off this whole move off, there will be some great opportunities to spend more time with people we love, and I guess I might as well see if I can drum up some enthusiasm about that!
Aaron and I started the month pretty much in all-out battle mode. I didn't want to move to California. He did. We wrote lists, we talked through pros and cons, we discussed, we prayed, we argued, we yelled and slammed doors. The thing about talking through things is that sometimes even after everything is talked out you still don't agree. And when the things being talked about are really important things, it's just not easy for one person or the other to say "oh fine, have it your way" (which is a perfectly acceptable resolution for many a quandary). In between all the fighting (and just to prove to Aaron that I was really trying to consider all the possibilities), we worked on getting our house prepared to put on the market to sell, which was by far the hardest thing for me. From the beginning I said that I would be willing to consider the move as long as we didn't shut down all our options here in Indiana. None of the four jobs Aaron is considering has much job security, and how long does anyone want to work four different jobs anyway? My solution was that we should rent out our house here and rent a house there while we try to figure out our long-term plans. His was to cut all ties with Indiana and move immediately. Finding middle ground was slow going.
Eventually we agreed that if we got the house mostly ready to list, we could still go on an abbreviated version of the awesome family vacation I had been planning for months. But even progress toward that goal moved at a snail's pace. He had 101 projects he wanted completed; I didn't really want to do any of them--we couldn't agree on so much as what kind of plants to put in the back yard. Ultimately we ended up dragging things out too long to be able to incorporate much of what I had originally planned trip-wise, and anyway, he felt like maybe the trip should be off the table altogether so that we could instead just get busy moving. Did I mention that it was a tough month?
At last we found enough consensus to pack up the van and head west for a short visit to Utah for my sister's wedding, a trip out to San Diego sans kids (thanks to my dad's last-minute offer to give us some one-on-one time to buckle down and make a decision), and a few days to spend with my mom at Bear Lake. We tried to fight slightly less on the trip than we had in the preceding weeks, having agreed to try to feel things out together with location and extended family considerations in mind.
The trip itself turned out to be a lot of fun! I tried not to dwell on the fact that the camping in national parks while learning to play guitar together wasn't happening and live in the moments we had as fully as possible. Serenity's wedding was just lovely, preceded by a bridal shower that brought together dear friends I haven't seen in years and a wonderful wedding dinner where Aaron and I had the chance to spend time in the company of more of my extended family than we've had the chance to see in years. It was great to meet Scott's family, but it was greatest to get to be with cousins who remain some of my dearest friends despite too many years that have come between us. Attending the wedding in the Salt Lake Temple, where Aaron and I were married 15 years ago was definitely a good reminder of where we started and how far we have come in what seems like the blink of an eye. While I can't say that things never got shaky in the tempests of the summer, I am glad that we've managed to stay afloat through the storms. Investing in a great marriage and family has been one of the most rewarding undertakings of both of our lives, and it's good to know that even great big disagreements can't knock us off course completely
.Heading down to San Diego without kids to worry about ended up being a good thing for Aaron and I. I can't deny that it's a beautiful city, and having a chance to wander around in Old Town and La Jolla just as we did the summer before we got married brought back some really wonderful memories. We had a chance to stay with and visit with Aaron's grandparents, who recently moved back to the San Diego area and are one big reason why this move is so appealing to Aaron. They've become a bit less mobile and a bit more appreciative of having family nearby who can be called on in times of need. Aaron would also really like to give our kids a chance to get to know them a little better while they're still around. We drove around neighborhoods so that Aaron could remind me with greater accuracy exactly how lovely it is to drive down palm-tree lined boulevards and breathe sea air, and we found a few that would be really appealing to live in, although the sticker shock for either renting or buying is still pretty overwhelming. We were able to spend an afternoon in the San Diego temple, and while that gave Aaron far more feelings of resolution than it gave me, I think we reached the point where we agreed to give the move a try, though not nearly as quickly or cleanly as Aaron would prefer. We bookended the trip on both ends with stops in Las Vegas, and I can't deny that family visits seem much less overwhelming when we're only 10 hours and a stop in a cheap hotel with a great buffet away.
Back in Utah, we enjoyed a luxurious few days at my mom's cabin on Bear Lake, boating, water-skiing, tubing, playing volleyball, toasting marshmallows--all the good stuff. It was good to get a little extra time with some of my siblings there, as well as spending some time together with just my siblings and I (before the wedding) up in Park City, where we spent the night in a fancy-schmancy ski lodge, swam, ate pizza, and talked the night away. I loved having the chance to snuggle up my new nephew, James, and we had a great time doing lunch with my sister Tenille and her little family as well. If we manage to pull off this whole move off, there will be some great opportunities to spend more time with people we love, and I guess I might as well see if I can drum up some enthusiasm about that!
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